


Loving a Monster

by emillywinter



Series: Love and Hate [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Come Eating, Come as Lube, Dom/sub, Hand Jobs, Hate to Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Masturbation, Spit As Lube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-28 15:35:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13274502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emillywinter/pseuds/emillywinter
Summary: Few months have pasted since the first fuck. Izaya still doesn't want to admit his feelings for Shizuo, and Shizuo tries to make him. However, it is a bit hard with Izaya naked waiting for him.





	1. Chapter 1

Loving a Monster  
Chapter 1  
Shizuo

After that initial first time when we fucked in the back-alley not much has changed. He was still Izaya, the stubborn bustard who thought that he knew everything even when he was utterly clueless. I still met him as always; however, after all of this, I didn’t try to chase him, just wanted to talk, at least at first. I now knew how he felt towards me, I knew that he loved me, and to be honest even though I was petrified of having now even stronger emotions for him, I still loved him back. The whole love thing, although new to me somehow managed to have a peaceful note to it. 

Yet, after a few of accidental meetings, it became clear to me that he didn’t want to acknowledge what happened and it made me angry; thus, I still chased him out, although just to talk. Fine, I admit that it was with an angry expression and occasionally “I am going to kill you” shouted after him, but still, I really wanted him to recognize his feelings. So, I understood where he may got the idea that I still hated him, but I could never managed to grasp why he just wouldn’t admit what he felt, at least to himself.

However, sometimes things went a little bit different, just like now. At first, I didn’t know how to behave my self when these things happened. And consequentially, I may have given in to my desires and did something that wasn’t consistent with the plan of how to get Izaya to admit the truth. For instance, I may have one or twice (or many times over the 3 months that pasted since that day) indulged myself and “accidentally” fucked Izaya again. Don’t get me wrong, he certainly wanted it, the same as me, but, he was in denial and that needed to be changed. For that reason, I should have had a better self-control, but in spite my strong arms, I have always knew that I had a weak heart, at least towards him.

So, today was one of those days when he would be waiting inside my apartment with no clothes on, casually sitting on the couch, like it was a normal thing to do. I had to admit, with how much it was happening, for him it became a normal matter most definitely; but I was not ok with it. It was just plain and simple wrong to keep laying to oneself, and if I wanted happiness not just for me, but for both of us, I needed to show him that. As a result, I tried to oppose to a casual fuck, as I have always done. 

“What are you doing here, Izaya?” I said like it was not an obvious thing.  
“My, my, Shizu-chan, what does it look to you? I am here to fuck, obviously.”  
“Obviously. Right.” I answered. Like I didn’t know that, but it is not happening this time, not until he admits that there is more to us than simple, old-fashioned hatred. “Not going to happen today, Flee. Get out.” I said and lit another one of my cigarettes.  
“How stupid of you, Shizu-chan, but you and I both know that you said that same thing many times before, so, just cut the shit out, and fuck me, like I asked you already.”  
“Not this time.” I replayed calmly although I was very much aggravated with the whole thing. I knew that he was inside when I was a couple of blokes away from my apartment building. I had enough time to prepare myself, to try not to mess up the plan. But, what to say, I wanted to feel his warmth more than ever, and that wretched smell didn’t help one bit. 

Izaya

Stupid Shizu-chan; I bet that he gets of on me embarrassing my self. I bet that he would love for me to even beg for it. However, that is not happening; like I would fall so low to beg for a fuck. Actually, I was pretty desperate, and after a second thought it didn’t sound that bad; I could later pretend that it never happened. However, he didn’t have to know the extent of how much I wanted him. That is why I was waiting in his apartment in the first place. At least I am honest with my self. With this much hatred that we are feeling for each other, nothing else could we be but a casual fuck enemies. Consequentially, when I feel the need to have his dick inside me, I come here. Every time he tries to resists, obviously because of the hate that he feels for me, but why change I good thing? At least, that was what I have promised my self to be the reason for these sporadic naked-meetings (certainly not my own want for the monster). 

Fine! I admit it, alright? I wanted him, and I wanted him badly, ever since that first time. I dreamed about him, I thought about him, I jerked of with thinking of him... This whole new desire thing totally consumed me and I didn’t like it one bit. But something needed to be done, and for that reason all these “naked man” séances started. Wanted or not, I had to admit at least that desire was something present in my mind. Not very God-like, and I honestly tried to fight it, but it was an impossible thing to do. 

So, back at the story; I was sitting on his couch exactly 22nd time since that “incident”, not that I was counting, and he was yet again rejecting me. Ok, Shizu-chan lets play this game again. You want me begging, I will beg, you will fuck me good, I will pretend that nothing happened, leave the apartment, come again in a few days, and so on.

So, I started, “But please, Shizu-chan, I beg you, put your dick inside me, I know that you want to...” I tried to give him the most dirty and yet innocent look that I could muster, but it seams that I overdid it a bit. He looked like he has been stroken with a lightening, with his big eyes and open mouth. The next thing that I remembered, he was in front of me, taking of his shirt, and that was it. Just like that, the victory was mine.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
Shizuo

The control was lost yet again, and every step that I took made me closer to him. His naked body shamelessly became the only image in my eyes. The way he said it, the look in his eyes... it was more than enough to make me forget all the reasoning. And, who was I to decline such an offer? I wanted him, and even though he often argued that I am a monster, in this regard I am just another human ruled by the desire and want.

At that point I was sure that I needed him more than the air itself. The redness in his eyes made me remember the first time I took him and my dick started to twitch. Even though I was sure that he considers me to be stupid, I was smart enough to know that I had all the leverage in my hands; and if didn’t, he didn’t need to know that. So, I tried to act as I was in charge. If we are doing this, I will be damned if I don’t use the chance to humiliate him more. Maybe, just maybe that will make him reconsider why he was doing this thing in the first place. 

“Turn around on all fours.” I ordered him, but Izaya just stood still. That made me question if I gave my self too much of a freedom. However, he just smirked and with a final look at me, he did as I said.   
“Now touch your self. Put one of your fingers up the ass hole.” After I said that he looked at me again. This time it was with more embarrassment.   
“Lick it first. Make it nice and wet.” I continued. I could see a blush already forming on his cheeks. Playing with oneself was not something that we done before and it was truly something that I wanted to see him do. After all, how many sleepless nights have I imagined him touching that same place while jerking myself of? 

He slowly put his middle finger in his mouth. The pink tongue started to move around it. It was more erotic than anything else I have seen him do, and it made me thinking about making him suck me of. It was another thing that we never done, as well. Usually, it was just me preparing him and me going in there until we both finish. The worst thing about it was the awkwardness after, when everything was done. He would always silently put his clothes back on and without a word just leave. I made myself a promise that this time it was going to last until he ether loses his conciseness, or at least gets tired enough not to leave immediately. More than anything I wanted to see all of his masks completely undone in front of my eyes. 

He was now moving his hand away from the mouth and near his entrance. The finger was shiny with the spit. We have always done it this way, but it made me think about using his semen as a lube. That would be pretty fucked up and I wanted to try it so badly. 

“Put another hand to your dick, and jerk yourself.” He looked anywhere except at me and done as I said. His upper part of the body was lying at the couch and his ass was in the air. I couldn’t see well enough what he was doing with his dick; however, I quickly moved behind him in order to get a better look on the finger entering him. God, it looked so good. 

“Put another one in there.” I commanded again. So, he took away his hand, moved it again to his mouth and licked his first two fingers together. I wanted to taste his ass for myself, as the memory of that first time was getting all fuzzy, but I promised my self that I will do that after making him have his own semen tucked deeply inside him. That way I would taste both of those things. 

Than, he moved his hand back again, and I little sound came from his mouth. It looked like he was keeping himself from getting hared too much, and that was something that I didn’t want.   
“Let me hear you. If you muffle your voice again I promise you, Izaya I won’t be fucking you tonight.” It was a first threat that I have ever given on this subject, and even thought I didn’t quite believe my self to go thru with it, it looked like he believed in my words. As a result, his voice managed to instantly make me even harder. 

His hands started to move faster both the one on his dick, as well as the one in his ass.   
“I want you to come.” I said it. He immediately stopped and for first time after this ordering thing started, he looked at me. His pupils were dilated, and the redness in his face that was mixed with sweet truly made them stand out. However, his look was also a bit aggravated and confused at the same time. It made me want him even more. 

Izaya

It looks like today was the day for the firsts: me begging to be fucked for the first time in my life, him ordering me, and even worse, me obeying those stupid orders. Nevertheless, never have I thought that I would need to masturbate in front of him with both my dick and the ass on the line. It was more than humiliating. However, the reword was presented in my mind as a perfect picture of him fucking me and it was all worth it. So, what is this shit about me coming without him even entering me? What was than the point in going thru this humiliating process if not for a good fuck? 

“Shizu-chan, that was not the deal we made. I want to come with your dick inside me.” I replied.   
“Well, I am not sure what deal you think we made, but if you do not do as I said I promise that I won’t enter you and that is final. As I already said, first, come for me.” I felt very confused and angry as he was saying that. What does he think I am if he believes that he can order me around? But soon, he continued “If you do what I say, I will fuck you, nice and good just the way you like.”

Ok, that was something that I could live with. Even though this was highly embarrassing for me, with our new founded mutual understanding the shit that I needed to chow was getting more bearable. Not to mention that I crossed the line where I could just go back home, I needed his dick; for fuck’s sake, I was addicted to it.

So, I did as I was asked to do, yet again. I closed my eyes, and the clear picture of Shizuo hammering inside me was shown in my head. I started to move again, this time faster. I was already close; after all, every time I did this to my self I have always come fast. 

I kept imagining his body, his arms on my hips, on my dick, him entering me, and it was all too much. My voice was echoing in my ears. I was moaning like some bitch in heat, just for him. For god’s sake, even though I didn’t want to admit it, I was his bitch. And than, just the thought of being dominated by him, of his power over me, and his ability to make me his; it all made me explode. 

With my heart beating so fast, I looked beneath me on Shizuo’s couch where was a puddle of sperm forming. Then I turned around and looked at him. For a second I thought that he will kill me for destroying his living room; however, the way he looked at me was all but angry. He had a smile on his face and it was disturbing to me. Then, I looked down at his leaking erection and I wanted him even more. 

Me coming once was not enough. I wanted to sit on dick until I was truly satisfied. He must have seen that thought on my face as he was stepping towards me yet again. God, just few more seconds and I will feel his hardness filling my insides. At least, that’s what I have thought. I couldn’t be more wrong, as I later understood that today was a day for yet another one of the firsts; first time that Shizuo successfully tortured me; although by denying me his dick, but it still counted.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Shizuo

God, seeing Izaya getting undone was one of the hottest things that I have ever witnessed. As soon as he finished, I wanted him to do it all over again. His sperm on the couch tempted me into ending all of this foreplay to soon and simply shoving my dick inside him. However, if I wanted to see Izaya’s masks broken into peaces, a simple fuck would not ever be enough. After all, we have done that many times before and it hasn’t changed a thing.

So, I stepped closer to him and put my hand on the puddle of semen that was on the couch. I did this carefully, as I didn’t want to waste even a bit of it. Next, I put my sperm coated fingers in his ass. I tried to push it as deep as they could reach, as well as to evenly distribute everything along sides of his inner walls. The whole process was making me think of showing my dick inside, but I suppose there would be a time for that later this evening. The heat radiated from his insides and the muscles in there were so tight and so soft that I didn’t want to pull out from it. So, I started to lick him with my fingers still inside. God, he tasted so good. I could experience the sweetness of his semen, but it somehow wasn’t enough, as I wanted him to be even more dripping.

“Aaaahhhh...” he started moaning again. I knew that he was a bit oversensitive after his orgasm, but it made the whole situation even better. If someone would told me few months back that I would gladly sell my soul in order to hear more of Izaya’s moans, I would kill that person. Now, I simply had to admit that his voice became something that had a power to raise my heartbeat in the matter of seconds. 

Moreover, I remember thinking how much of a fool I was for denying this attraction in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I still was not gay nor I was a straight person. Being together with Izaya made me look behind and above all labels, as to me they lost their meaning. However, if I needed to state my sexual preference, as embarrassing as it may be, I would say that I am Izaya oriented, as he is the only person that made me want to fuck until I drop dead.

I moved both my fingers and my mouth away from his ass. His moans stopped, but his heavy breathing continued. He looked at my eyes yet again and after few silent moments he asked “Will you fuck me now Shizu-chan or you want me to beg some more?”

God, he didn’t even know how much it affected me when he looked at me like that; never to mention the mare possibility of his begging face... it was so overwhelming that at first I lost all of the words. But soon he just continued “I know that you hate me. Putting your dick inside me, making me your bitch, I know that you want it. After all, I hate you much the same...” and that was it. I could not hear his words anymore. They were laced with so much lies that it was annoying. They turned into a simple noise that was unrecognizable to me. Why couldn’t he just admit that he loves me? Why was it so hard for him to be truthful once in his fucking life? 

My anger took over and I yanked at his hair. It finally made him lose that fucking smirk out of his face. With another hand I grabbed his chin which made his lips slightly open.  
“Shut the fuck up, I am sick of hearing only shit from your mouth when they could be put to so much better use”. After that I showed my dick inside his mouth and started to move my hips.

Izaya

Shizu-chan finally lost it. Perhaps, today was the day when he would kill me. I remember thinking that as he showed his dick inside my mouth. It was so huge that I struggled to breathe properly. I wanted to move, but his hand at the back of my head prevented me from doing it. My eyes filled up with tears; but honesty, I was never more turned on in my life. 

I preached a bit on my hands, and soon after I put one of them over Shizuo’s. If I couldn’t get his dick out of my mouth, I could put it even more inside - I though as I moved towards him. Whether he was confused or not I wasn’t certain; however, the grip on my hair eased and I was in control yet again. 

Even thought I haven’t done this before, the time when Shizu-chan did it to me was more than enough for me to understand the simple mechanics behind it, and it became a perfect means to regain some control. If I wanted I could just bite him of; that would teach the monster a lesson; nevertheless, I didn’t feel like doing anything that could prevent me from getting my fill. After all, I loved that dick. The fact that I hated Shizu-chan had nothing to do with me enjoying my self. Or at least that was what I have thought. 

So, I moved my lips over his hardness, and my tongue traced the line from his base to the top. Then, I took it in my hand and licked only the tip. Shizuo just wordlessly looked at me. Oh God, this was so good, with this I could make him do anything that I want. However, the emptiness in my other entrance was consuming me. I wanted him to fill me out completely until his essence was dripping out of me. And I guess that he thought the same thing as he yanked my hair yet again and lifted me up from the couch completely. In less than a second he changed our position, so I was now lying down on my back, and like some predator, he slowly positioned his mouth between my legs and on my dick. He opened his mouth and a little breaths that he made drove me crazy. I was hard yet again, and his next words made me even harder. 

“You little shit...you make me so crazy. I want to lick every bit of you, and I want you to come for me times after times until you are entirely spent. Next, I am going to fuck you. I am going to shove my dick in you so hard that you would forget how to speak. Than, you won’t even know how to beg, and even if you somehow manage to beg me to stop; I am warning you, Izaya, I won’t do it. I will keep fucking that tight ass until you admit that you love me”.

His words were ringing inside my ears and my brain stopped working. The only thing that I felt was my pounding heart that tried to escape from my chest. It was so fast and so loud that I could hear it clearly and it made me think that I was truly fucked.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
Shizuo

Izaya was lying beneath me. One look at his eyes was enough for me to see the extent of his excitement. He looked so fuckable that all I could do in order to retain my self from entering him was putting his dick inside my mouth and making him come at least once more before the actual fucking starts. 

His dick was hard again, and the tip was so wet that I could easily see the pearly shine collecting at the top. Even though I was barely keeping my self from licking him, I decided to see how much more he would leak. Because of that I started to taste him much lower, as I put one of his balls inside my mouth. I gently sucked it and than did the same to the other one. After that, I licked them both at the same time, carefully, as I didn’t want to hurt him. It was like they were part of the most delicious ice cream that I have ever tried.

Besides, it looked like Izaya was enjoying him self too, as the moaning noise didn’t stop. “Please, Shizu-chan, more, I need more... Touch my dick; please lick it, at least for a second.” Now, I was having that wicked smirk on my face that he usually wore. I would be damned if I didn’t torture him a bit more. 

“Well, Izaya-kan, I am not sure why would I put in my mouth dick that belongs to someone that hates me... Maybe, if you felt something other than hate towards me... tell me, what do you feel for me? If it is the truth I promise, I will lick your dick for as long as you want me to...”

“I hate you.” - He answered. One look at Izaya’s face was enough to understand every emotion that he felt. The rage and the desire were the most present ones, but there were others, too. Nevertheless, hate was not among them. 

“Well, that is a lie.” I responded by taking his legs more apart and gently brushing my tongue on the aria between his leg and the pubic hair. Then, I started to move closer to his dick. It was twitching with want all the more and it stood proud and hard in front my opened eyes. However, I was still not touching it nether with my hand or with my mouth. 

He tried to move his hips towards me; nevertheless, I quickly stopped him by putting pressure on them. It was easy to see how much he wanted me. Consequentially, he started to beg more. “Shizu-chan, what does it matter if I hate you? After all, you hate me too... If you give me what I want tonight, I will owe you a favor. I will do whatever you want; ask anything from me...Please, it is a nice deal, just touch me...”

I felt like I was making a deal with the devil himself but as he said before, it was a sweet deal and I wasn’t going to complain about it. I just needed to see if he understood what he was agreeing to.  
“So, if I suck your dick and then fuck you, you will do anything that I want?” I asked just to clear that he was serious. “Yes, I promise... just, please, do something.” With that I pushed his dick inside my mouth and started to suck as hard as I could. The same moment a loud moan that could be described as almost a scream left him. I started to move up and down his shaft but never stopped circling with my tongue alongside his tip. 

It really didn’t take much longer. At first, he started shivering and than, his moans were even more loud. He buried his hands in my hair and closed his legs around my face; everything in order to prevent me from moving away; as I would ever do that. He started to call my name, and simple moaning sounds mixed perfectly with it. After one particularly loud moan I could feel him pushing inside my mouth until all of him was there. After that, a sweet taste filled me in. With that Izaya came once more.

Izaya

God, if I doubted earlier if Shizu-chan was trying to kill me, I was certain now. He somehow managed to persuade me to make some shitty deal to do anything that he wants, and even worse, it somehow was my idea. As if. I knew that it was his entire fault. How dares he try to deny me what was I entitled to? He was my monster, and I was his God; thus, his mouth, his dick, and his whole body belonged to me. 

My body was his, as well; but that was not the point here. He sucked me dry, and after that second orgasm I was not sure that I could come again. However, I still wanted him to fuck me. It already passed few days since the last time he was inside my ass and I was missing his thrusts. The mare thought of it sent more shivers thru me. It was a good thing that he didn’t finish, as it was a promise of a good fuck. 

He moved from my spent dick, more up, closer to my face. I was waiting for the kiss when he showed his tongue inside my mouth. With the usual wetness I could feel something thicker and more bitter entering me as well. God, he saved up my sperm and spit it inside my mouth. It was a disturbing and a disgusting thing to do, to eat my own semen; however, when he made me, it somehow was hot and not morbid. It drove me crazy with want, once again. 

As soon as I swallowed I needed him to know that I wanted him.  
“For fuck’s sake Shizu-chan, now, I want you fucking now.” With that he simply positioned his dick on my entrance and pushed inside.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
Shizuo

Even though every time I had him was different, the same feeling of desire to possess him was lingering in the air. Izaya is and has always been my other part, my opposite, yet somehow, the same as me. I wanted him since the first time I have met him, but my prejudice and fear were the things that kept me from him. Nevertheless, he still managed to rule my life as if he was some kind of God. It was fitting that I was his monster, as in spite my everlasting desire not to be one, I was fine with it, as long as I was his. So, the reason why he didn’t want to admit his love was beyond me. Whether he thought that it was something shameful, a weakness, or he was consumed by crippling fear, I wasn’t certain; but to me, he meant everything and I was ready to shout loud enough for the entire world to hear that I was his, if only he would whisper to me that he was mine.

Attraction, desire, and want were three things that I have always affiliated with him and after the resent events all those feelings only grew stronger. I needed to admit that I was addicted to him, as he became something that I didn’t want to live without. His lips, eyes, hands; his whole body was the drug to me and even if I knew that what we were doing was wrong, perverted, and dirty, the simple feeling of his voice moving thru the air was enough to delete all doubts that I may once had. 

The redness in his eyes long ago became my Sun and the light that was inside became a mirror of his soul that illuminated me. It was strong, yet delicate; big yet so small. 

God, as soon as I smelled him, or sow him, or even thought about him all of my control would evaporate into nothingness. I am lost with want for him. So, how could someone blame me for making him mine in every way possible; marking him, torturing him, fucking him. Those were the only means with which I could express the possessiveness that leaked thru every cell of my body. 

So, that Monday evening when Izaya came for the God knows which time in my apartment waiting for me naked on my couch, my control didn’t have a slightest chance. I needed him to admit the truth, as it meant everything to me; a mere monster to be loved by a God.

The things that he desired were my commandments, so when he told me that he wanted me inside him I was powerless against him. With a simple push I made our two bodies into one. The feeling that I had from being inside him was not from this Earth, and I didn’t even know where my body started and where did his stop. As one organism, monster and a God danced the beautiful dance of love and hate like it was nothing but a game played by two children who didn’t know how to grow up. 

I started to pull my dick, and than I pushed inside him, this time stronger. I didn’t move my eyes away from his. Again; I pushed again, and again, and again. Each thrust was stronger than the previous one. The whole time I was looking inside his soul. It was as if I was hypnotized by the light that had shined there. I thought that I would rather die than stop entering him. Izaya was and always will be the only person who I wanted to fuck until I drop dead.

“Izaya...” I started to call his name, and I couldn’t stop doing it; not that I wanted to. His name belonged on my mouth, it was meant to exist only for me. “God, Izaya...” I repeated it yet again, like it was some sort of a prayer. I pushed harder, and he started to moan again. 

“Shizu-chan... more... I need more...” and how could I not obey? I fucked him like my life depended on it, as it indeed was. If I wasn’t somehow enough to him, if he didn’t admit the truth, I was certain that I would start to doubt my self. Then, if I would lose the hope that he was mine, I would also lose the will to live. As to me, Izaya and the life went hand in hand. After all, they were the same thing. 

I felt his muscles getting tighter around my dick. They were pulling me inside more deeply than before. He was keeping me there with all his strength in order for me to never leave his side. 

“Izaya, tell me that you love me...” I started as I couldn’t leave it alone. “Please, just tell me.”  
He looked at me and really looked.  
“No, I hate you.” he said it and it sounded like it was something that he really believed at. It hurt, deep inside me; it really hurt more badly than all the bones breaking at the same time. 

“That is not truth. Just admit it, please Izaya.” But his stubbornness didn’t have a limit. He went again and again speaking between the thrusts, between the moans how much he hated me. It made me sad, and at the same time it made my angry. So, this time I slammed with all of my force in his hole. He screamed. I did it again; and again. All the sounds around us were intertwined. There were screams, slapping of my skin against his, more screams, and me shouting at him. 

“Admit it you little shit, or I will just keep fucking you until we are both dead.” Angry thrusts didn’t stop, and if he had any doubt before whether or not I was a monster, this whole violent fucking was all that was needed for him to see how twisted and mutilated my soul was. I was certain that he would never love me after that. 

Not many people know that side of me, the one that made me wanting to possess, to own. But, I was certain, Izaya knew, he has always known the darkest place in my soul. He knew it the same way as he knew that it belongs only to him.

But still, I couldn’t stop, and I just pushed harder. I could feel him becoming more wet; but when I looked at the place where our bodies were touching all I could see was something red that was coloring both my dick and his thighs. Recognition of the substance made my ears buzzing, and I just stopped. It was blood.

Izaya

Something was wrong with Shizu-chan. He was asking me, again and again if I loved him. No, I didn’t. What I felt for him was a pure hatred. I loved my humans, all equally. But him, I couldn’t love him that way. It was different; he was different. What I felt for him wasn’t that simple, it was more intense, more heated, more possessive, more dark, more abnormal, dirty, morbid, selfish, needy, yet more pure. The love was what teenage girls feel for their crushes, what I feel for my humans, the simple wish to look at them if they are amusing enough. Right?! 

Even to me it sounded a bit fishy, but I have always been selfish, and I have never wanted to admit when I was wrong. So I constantly stated that I hated him. After all, how could a love be this twisted feeling in my gut, when it supposes to be selfless and clean?

He started to push inside me with more power and I couldn’t keep my mouth closed regardless of how much I tried. It started to hurt a bit more, but to me pain was something normal, something that I didn’t think about. It was perfectly mixed with the pleasure. Shizuo fucking me this hard was the most intensive feeling that I have ever felt.  
More, Shizu-chan, more - I wanted to say, but all that left my mouth was a scream. 

Then, he trusted again; another scream. My body lost its control, and all I could think about was the intensity with which he fucked me. 

I didn’t need to look in order to know how much hard I was, as hardness was just a term. I felt him, inside my ass, on my body, in my eyes, ears, everywhere. He was within my very own soul. 

I was getting close again. The bubble inside my chest already started to grow. This time, it was way bigger than ever before. I wasn’t sure what would happen if it exploded. But then, something changed. I could see the horror on Shizu-chan’s face, as he stood still. He slowly pulled out from me, and didn’t say a word, just started to cry.

The big tears were leaking on his cheeks into his moth, his neck; everywhere. It was a silent cry, the one brought by so much pain that it could not be controlled. So, I confusingly looked at him, and followed his look. Then, I saw it; there were blood everywhere; on his dick, on my legs, on his couch. Shit. I didn’t even felt it; I didn’t even know when it happened. 

“Shizu-chan” I started to call for him, but he didn’t even move; didn’t even blink. He was just silent like same statue.  
“Shizu-chan” I tried again. Nothing; the same as before. He looked like he was in some kind of trance.  
“Shizu-chan, look at me...Hey, Shizu-chan, look at me... It’s ok; just look at me...Please...” He still didn’t move. 

I started to panic as I really didn’t know what to do. Then, I slapped him across his face. He still didn’t move anything but his eyes that were now looking directly at my own. 

I didn’t break the eye contact as I pushed him effortlessly on his back. I set on his lap and took his bloody dick in my hand and put it back inside me. I was now sitting on him. I started to go up and down, at first gently, but soon the bubble returned and I couldn’t really control my self. So I fucked my self faster on his dick. He still didn’t move, just kept staring into my eyes... Fuck it. My voice was on a thin line between whispering and shouting. 

“You fucking monster, I love you. Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear? I love you more than anything in my life. I cannot live without you. I want you. For fuck sake, I need you, just move, I fucking want you. I don’t care about anything else. Just, please, be ok...” I breathed hard and tears were forming in my eyes... The barriers, the masks; everything broke, and finally we were just two naked souls who searched for happiness, meaning, and love in each other.

He started to move again, but this time it was slow and gentle.  
“You love me?”  
“Yes”, I responded.  
“Say it again, please.”  
“I love you.”

He smiled and started to push inside me still slowly but with a bit more force, and I pushed against him at the same time. I knew it was the truth as soon as it left my mouth. And now, when I have already I said it once, I couldn’t stop my self. I needed to say it to him again. 

With the every push I said a word. “I” – thrust; “love” - thrust; “you” – thrust; and again. I repeated everything, again, and again, until his breathing was so strong that he started to growl. Than, I began to bounce on his dick, and I almost started to should. “I love you. I love you. I lovee you!” And with that I came across his chest. At the same time, I felt him shooting inside me. God, he was filling me in. 

I didn’t want to move, and neither did he, as he just pushed my body more towards him, and I was now lying on his chest with his hands around me. He still didn’t stop crying. However, the truth was finally out. I loved him, and he loved me. It was all that mattered, at least to us. After all, Shizuo and I were just two monsters feeling some twisted, needy, and dark emotion that was named love.


End file.
